why??

I thought it doesn't hurt anymore.. But when i read her blog, saw e word 'darling', tears begin to roll from my face.. I thought I got over it already.. but i realise that i did not.. I thought I accepted the fact.. but i didn't.. I told Vanvan tat the reason why i didn't wan to step into his life is b'cos I didn't wan to get the burden tat I was snatching her 'darling'... I thought appearing as nothing has happened, they will be fine.. Indeed, thru her blog, they appear fine... But what abt me?? Am i really fine?? Exams are coming.. Can I concentrate?? I thought I got over that period... but I really didn't...

God is there for me.. Vanvan was there for me.. But the person tat I really hope to be there wasn't there.. Like Ben said in his nick, maybe I should really join the "Mei Ren Ai Wo" club... God has been there helping me... But Am I helping myself to recover..

Got people say tat I avoiding.. Not studying.. But I am trying to soak myself in books so that I can forget abt it.. Am I really avoiding?? Or issit u who is avoiding... I always thought that I can put it down.. But i realise that I didn't.. U once ask.. can we still be friends.. my answer is i dunno... now, if u ask me again, I would still say dunno... dun ask me why.. but i also cannot answer...

My prayer: God, pls help me to get over tis period of sadness & pain. Help me get over it so that I can study wif full concentration.. Although this test is painful but I know u will never put me thru a test that I cannot restand.. Thanks for giving me the gift of a smiley face & even I'm sad, I still can remain cheerful... Thanks.... Also, I pray that you will help me forget about him & the sadness that he have cause in my heart & the wound that he have cause and bring me into a new life.. To once again, get back onto the right track & find the one true love that u have chosen for me...

To vanvan, my best pal..

thanks for being there when i needed u... thanks for talking sense into me when i needed some sense to be knock in.. thanks for being such a good friend.. really treasure ur friendship.. had a good talk today while taking train up and down the NEL line.. haha... We really share a lot of things... We noe wat is happening to each others life... thanks for helping me when i ran into problems... thanks.. Really thanks...Hope that our friendship can last... from now, till forever...

a list of thanksgiving...

A List of thanksgiving...........

1st: thank god for giving me life... and giving me the friends that I have.. Now or in the past..

2nd: thanks to Mdm Mag for bringing God into my life...

3rd: thanks to my parents for being understanding... of cos sometimes, I'm really pissed off by them, they are still my parents...

4th: thanks Vanvan for giving me advices, accompany me here and there, talking to me.. etc.. thanks for being my good friend...

5th: thanks to JMD people.. past and present.. especially to Cat A people....for bringing me happiness... although there are some unhappiness here and there... U people did bring me alot of happy memories... Thanks people.. JMD rox...

6th: thanks to friends... I mean all friends... past and present, real or fake.. sincere or not, all of u left a memory in my heart...

7th: thanks to my 2 elder brother for taking care of me.. for tolerating my nonsense... really thanks...

8th: thanks to BLC & YCG people of past and present for helping me to grow...

9th: thanks to people who help me with my projects... Dorcaus, Hsiao Ling, Vanvan, Michael... thanks for the information and help....thanks people..

tat's all.. peole whom I missed to list out, thanks for everything.... everything tat u people hav done to help me grow.. thanks people... Wendy will never forget you...
Really... THANKS.....

~Wendy~

from me to you.. again..

Whether u hav chosen her anot, I dunno... but wat u said last night, tell me that u choose her over me.. And I can see that she is veri happy now...
If u are not choosing her, let her know.. dun lead her on...
But since tat u hav chosen, treat her well...
I told u before: One girl sad is better than 2 girls angry. U have chosen to let me be sad.. so dun try to console me..
Since u hav chosen her, I would not step into ur life again. I would not call u to complain and wait for ur advice.. I will entirely step out of ur life. I dunno if we still can be frenz.. I really dunno cos u really hurt me too deep... For the next few weeks, I will not let myself be seen.. Let u see the horrible side of me.. I will not...
I will not appear in front of you.. Will not...
Since u hav chosen her over me, I will wish e 2 of you happiness..
Treat her well.. since u have hurt me, dun hurt her again...
Honestly, I dun hav the courage to face you.. So i am choosing to avoid you.. I dunno how to face you..
Happiness to the both of you and Wendy, Face up the reality that u hav lost...

sad... from me to you

Cried myself to sleep last night just because of wat u said... Mummy asked tis morning: Girl, wat happen?? Why ur eyes so red? I couldn't answer.. I just walk away..
You hurt me more the jerk, Edmund did. He leave me on my b'dae. Twice.
I thought that was hurting. But now, I am telling you. You HURT me MORE then he did.
You make me confident. but u destroy.
I love you but would u love me back? No.
Life was not on my side. It's on hers. I lost to her.
She didn't fall deeper. But I did.
When Vanvan ask," Have u got over him?"
I couldn't answer her.. But I know the answer is No.
Why do tis hav to happen to me?
For 3 times, I was hurt tis way...
3 times... How many times more??
I thought I will end here... but it still happen..
Dun hav to feel guitly just because of wat u said. because tat was not wat i want..
If u really love her, then go ahead be wif her. I dun mind. I will wish u both happiness.. I truly will...
I might be really hurt but I respect ur choice..

I felt tis kind of feeling too when a friend of mine was arrested: Guilty.. but Romans told me: Feelings are not always right.. Now, if u really love her, treat her well... Love her wif all ur heart.. And I will wish the both of you, happiness and I will not step into ur life again...

Ended wif tears on my face...