why??

I thought it doesn't hurt anymore.. But when i read her blog, saw e word 'darling', tears begin to roll from my face.. I thought I got over it already.. but i realise that i did not.. I thought I accepted the fact.. but i didn't.. I told Vanvan tat the reason why i didn't wan to step into his life is b'cos I didn't wan to get the burden tat I was snatching her 'darling'... I thought appearing as nothing has happened, they will be fine.. Indeed, thru her blog, they appear fine... But what abt me?? Am i really fine?? Exams are coming.. Can I concentrate?? I thought I got over that period... but I really didn't...

God is there for me.. Vanvan was there for me.. But the person tat I really hope to be there wasn't there.. Like Ben said in his nick, maybe I should really join the "Mei Ren Ai Wo" club... God has been there helping me... But Am I helping myself to recover..

Got people say tat I avoiding.. Not studying.. But I am trying to soak myself in books so that I can forget abt it.. Am I really avoiding?? Or issit u who is avoiding... I always thought that I can put it down.. But i realise that I didn't.. U once ask.. can we still be friends.. my answer is i dunno... now, if u ask me again, I would still say dunno... dun ask me why.. but i also cannot answer...

My prayer: God, pls help me to get over tis period of sadness & pain. Help me get over it so that I can study wif full concentration.. Although this test is painful but I know u will never put me thru a test that I cannot restand.. Thanks for giving me the gift of a smiley face & even I'm sad, I still can remain cheerful... Thanks.... Also, I pray that you will help me forget about him & the sadness that he have cause in my heart & the wound that he have cause and bring me into a new life.. To once again, get back onto the right track & find the one true love that u have chosen for me...