I've been doing alot of thinking to myself.. (I've more time to myself now, ever since he stopped talkin to me n ever since I began taking bus home..)

I realise, that I've became more n more unappreciative of all the good things happening ard me and unappreciative of the people I have ard me..

There are times when I choose to ignore them, ignore their feelings, ignore whatever they are telling me jus because I wasn't in e mood to listen..
I've said things / words / sentences / comments that hurt their feelings but they continue to stay by my side, pulling me up, caring abt me and showering me with their care n concern.

N I began to take all those for granted.. It's only when one of them, get sick n tired and stop replyin my unnecessary smses, stop talkin to me, I realise that I am taking them for granted.. They can don't need to be there, they can simply ignore me.. BUt they didn't.. for years, they didn't.. They didn't leave me to die, they didn't leave me hanging, they were the ones, who were there when I couldn't get out of the whole 'Edmund' shit thingy..

I've been complaining abt how 'pig' my sales reps can be when they make 'common sense' or 'silly' mistakes on documents and here, I'm being the 'pig' and making stupid mistakes in life that cost me my friends and even family..

Till now, I know i'm startin to lose friends again.. Not sure if I can save the friendship.. but i'll try my best... to save and at the same time, maintain the others.. For I can't live in this world w/o friends and family..

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Afternote for 22nd:
You said you wish u could too... BUt i said I prefer to stay as friends for I dun wan to take the risk of taking e relationship a step further and lose even the friendship in the end. U said I've got good character.. But i tell u i don't.. Cos i know, i'm not a easy girl to be with.. Like wat I told MS, I require alot of attention but oso alot of freedom.. I need space to myself and controllin me is a nono..

Another reason for giving u 'no' as an answer is bcos I hav no confident to love somebody and I don't know how to.. I would like to be by your side but I don't know how to handle a relationship.. Committment, time n effort is needed in a relationship but I dunno if I can.. I dare not try, afraid of being hurt again.. I'm sorry...