the flu has been with me for 4 days by record.. its e longest for the year... I was not suppose to drink coke.. suppose to rest.. not suppose to eat fried or oily food.. suppose to drink lots of plain water.. BUT... I drank coke when i went to NYP for dance with gin and brendy.. I ate mac too.. on sat.. and today.. I drank coke today too.. I slept at 1plus am bcos i was readin comics.. I drank water onli when i need to eat the medicine.. tat's it.. I was totally disobeyin e doctor's advise.. tat is why i haven't recover.. but all will be fine once i get back to office tml.. you see.. in my office, everybody is older then me.. and most of thems are mothers.. and honestly, they do treat me like their own daughter.. with them around, dun say coke.. wanna drink cold drinks oso might get nagged.. and i predict, i will be ban from drinkin coke while in their sight until i recover completely..

Ooh.. jus a little update.. I started goin back for dance again.. of cos.. its not for ADC.. i went back bcos jean and brendy wanted me to teach them some stuff.. i agreed bcos i haven't been movin.. and I'm getting rusty.. I wanna get back the groove.. I wanna do back wat i love.. DAnce.. Although not the same anymore, I'll still do it.. However, i do hope tat ADC get back to practise soon.. I miss all of them.. And i mean all dancers and cherographers....
Random thoughts... "Mayb ADC shld get a trainer to train up our fitness.. so tat we can train up our stamina and strength to do more dances.."
the medicine is makin me drowsy e whole day.. No carvin for food.. No hunger.. Izzit good or bad? I oso dunno.. Even with the medicine that the doc gave me, I'm not recovering.. My fever has not subside.. the flu is still there.. I've been catchin up with my comics readin.. my latest craze.... Death Note.. Nice comics... The movie will be out soon.. and i definitely will catch it in the cinema.. May all be well for me, for Dan, and all my frenz out there.. hav a good day frenz..
Random n short post..

I hav fallen sick.. Its a cold virus attack.. cum lack of rest.. plus stress.. haha.. Tat's what the doc said.. The medicine sucks.. taste bad.. lost all tastes of food.. no cravings either.. So sianzz.. I've been readin comics again.. finally.. meetin annie later in e nite for dinner.. I wanna get out of the house.. I'm feelin damn bored.......
Life is simplier now..
No social life..
No night life..
No shoppin..
No meet ups..
No chillin out..
No dinner..
No coke..
No pure vanilla..
No Coffee Beans..
No you..
No feelings..

You might ask.. why is my life so boring.. yes.. indeed its boring.. I dun realli enjoy anything now.. Cos the company is different.. Chillin out is something I always look forward to in the past months.. no matter who it is with.. But now, the relax feelin is no longer there... I wanna chill out again... I wanna sing K again.. I wanna club again.. I wanna go shoppin again.. But company is not there.. nothin can be done.. Everybody is not free... or doesn't wan to meet up.. Sian.. I use to hav veri good company for everythin.. haiz.. Movies, clubbin, shoppin, singing, playin pool is no longer the same..
Another short post..
I'm in a mess now..
I hav contradicting feelings..
I dunno wat I shld be doin..
I dun trust them now..
I hope things didn't turn out this way..
But it did..
What shld I be doin..
I oso dunno..
If given a chance again..
I would hav done it in a different way..
I almost broke down ytd... Reason? Everything was in a mess...

E day before, I set up the system for Siew Ping.. She wanted to keep it there so that dun hav to dismantle again.. I told her its not safe.. She insisted in the beginning.. Then she gave in after I told her tat even if I am ok with it, IT will not agree.. So ya.. She kept it.. on the condition that I set it up for her at 8.. I felt office at 6 tat day..

Ytd morning.. I reach office at around 7 plus, ready to eat breakfast.. Then, realising that frankin was not done.. I did it.. A quarter way through, around 815, I stop for a while to set up the system for Siew Ping as agreed e day before... Then I came back to continue.. At 9, Woon Lee and Lam popped in and say that their room is taken up by a Foreigner... I went to take a look before askin Doris wat's happening.. We checked.. and realise that it was a mistake by Chui Hoon.. That she thought she booked for today.. Instead of them movin out.. all bcos they hav got a external trainer, my side hav to move to a smaller room.. WHY?? Unfair.. Then when Chua came and ask, what happened, I told him that they hav to move to Room 1 in the morning and go back to Performance Room only in the evening... and he showed me a black face... Tat was when everything went wrong.. I forgot to switch to overseas franking.. The amount dun tally.. I couldn't attend e briefing.. and was ask a thousand time for e reason.. Then, hav to check this and that, even hav to page for the trainees to come down and stuff... So many things hav to be settled on e spot... Suddenly, I jus felt like crying.. but I swallowed it back in.. All bcos I know this is part and parcel of working life...

Then, I only settled down to do my work at around 12.. ate my breakfast.. and lunch.. then did some adjustments to the Performance Room before heading out to buy the tea break for them... Later in the evening, I updated the records, SAP, till 7plus.. Then help clear the Performance Room after the Ladies Evening hav finished before leaving at 8 with Serene.. Reached home at around 10...

Did some work at home today.. Meetin Annie for dinner later.. good day..

In memory of him...

Was suppose to be havin dinner with colleagues at Ritz Cartlon happily.. On e way there, the news came crashin down..

A ," He passed away already.. He jumped from his blk ytd.."
Me," Are you serious??"
A ," Yes.."

tears rolled down...

Didn't know e reason.. dun wanna know.. But still called her.. Answer was.. He is stressed up over lots of things..

Couldn't make it down tat day caused I promise my colleagues to be there.. Went down on Sat.. Saw his bro.. He looks ok.. But his face is telin me tat he hurts inside.. but has to be strong anyway.. A was not there.. Went to get his favourite food for him.. Lookin at his photo, tears came down again.. He was such a care free guy.. We talked n crap together.. Laugh at jokes and stuff.. now, he is lyin there, motionless.. I dun dare to walk up.. Afraid tat I will break down..

Over heard some of his relatives talkin.. Sayin "Why did he jumped?" "As a guy, what cannot talk it out.. Muz end his life.." "Commit sucide is bad enough.. Still call his mum and ask her to see him fallin n can't do anything.. Cruel.."

Saw his mum, bringing some of his best frenz to see him.. Telling him to remember to cum home.. ASkin him to come home.. Telling him tat he is her precious.. Askin him why is he so cruel.. Leavin her and the family...She cried and cried...

Tears flowed.. down my face..

A came back.. with his favourite food.. Crab, snacks, sushis, pizza... etc.. Then, his mum help to lay the food at the alter.. Sayin at the same time "Look what she brought for you, crab and so much more.. how good she is to u.." and she started crying again..

Waited for Xiu Qi to come.. N we offered him our last respect.. N I told him softly.. Tat I will remember him forever.. In my heart..Xiu Qi n I talked.. Abt him.. about everything that he hav done for us.. all his jokes tat never fails to perk us up... All his works.. Tat he hav put in so much efforts.. How much he believe in love, never givin up..

When we are leavin, I talk his bro a little.. My condolences are the only words I can give him.. Talked to A a little, she said she is alright.. But we just know.. tat she is definitely not.. Told her to take care.. n live a life tat will make him proud.. She said ok..

left for home..

After thoughts...

Life is so fragile.. I never ever thought I would need to attend a funeral of a friend of my age.. We are only 20.. isn't it a little unfair to end it now? Once again, I blame God for takin him away.. I will never understand wat good does it do to take him away.. I can only say, mayb he failed e test tat God gave him.. Even now, I still keep his number in my phone.. Still refuse to delete it away..

I thought I will not shed a tear for him.. Since we haven't contact for long.. I thought I hav learn to keep my tears.. but I didn't.. I thought it would not hurt so much.. But it did..

To Wen Bin:
I thank you for all the things tat you hav done.. Thanks for all e laughter.. Thanks for protecting me.. Thanks for telling me tat life will get better when I was at my bottom pit.. sorry tat I didn't make e effort to call you.. Sorry tat I wasn't able to be there when you needed someone.. Here, I give you my last respect.. N all I wan to say.. is written here..

"I will miss you forever.. You will forever be in my heart.. I hav never regret being your friend.. Thanks for everything.. Friendship between us will be forever.. No change.. No more chance to change.. you wil stand a place in my heart forever.. Bye.."