answers...

1) My B'dae: June 13..
2) My CCA: JMD...
3) Location: Bedok
4) My class: BM0328 (BH)
5) No of brothers: two
6) My dad
7) Lianchun...
8) Gemini
9) Lunch: FJ & North...
10) Qiqi

tinking abt my character, myself and my attitude..

Today, after sch, Huey Huey was suppose to go dinner wif me.. Oso, at the same time, I need to pass a cd to Evelyn.. So we met at Atrium...In the end, Huey Huey left 1st.. She left wif Mei Yi.. I was like "Hello..U are suppose to wait for me lorz.. and we will hav dinner together".. After she left, Charlotte came.. then we left too.. Was kind of upset lorz..

Then when i almost reachin home.. Then realise that I never bring my keys... So went over to my mum's workplace to get the keys from her...

On the way there, I was tinkin abt wat a person i hav been.. I was tinkin abt wat other people have said... I realise tat I dun really mean anythin to anyone... Everyone hav a important someone in their heart.. But me? I dunno... I do hav people who are important to me.. But am I important to them? Tinkin abt tat, I was kind of upset wif myself for not being able to make myself worthy of God's love... or even anyone's love and care...

Seeing my aunt so happy wif boyfriend, seeing everyone being so happy wif their the other half.. I was like... "Wendy.. Wat the H~~~ are u doin in tis world?" I couldn't gave myself an answer.. I wan to dance.. But somehow, I wasn't satisfied wif myself.. I wish to sing.. but my singing sux..Haiz.... I gave my love and people treat it like grass.. Stepped on it then realise tat it's grass, stepped even harder... My heart was broken into pieces.. Time heals.. Does it really heals everything tat u hav lost?

Got to work later.. at 1pm.. So here i am, sitting in my bro's room..Blogging..
Last few days would hav been happier if not for wat happen on wednesday.. I believe tat some people know wat I'm talkin abt for I did tell some of them... And most of them agree wif me...

~A promise tat I made: "I'll never leave JMD no matter wat happens..."~

I agree tat places change.. people change too.. For better or for worst.. It depends on how u see the situation... For me, it became worst...
I'm totally new to the environment.. As if like it's my 1st time there.. But it's not.. I've been there since I entered Poly..

Dan said,"What makes a good leader is not just only how capable the leader is, but the support and hard work that its members give to him / her."

Itsuki said,"We must give him time.. He just took over.."

Perhaps... I shld wait.. We'll see... let's see how things goes b4 I made a decision..

~Promises are really hard to keep~
~Kor, I might break my promise.. Sorry.. I am not able to keep to the promise tat I made to you~

Another field trip... another day...

Another day for Field trip.. Today, went to Outram Park MRT station...
As usual, counted the traffic, walked around.. did the usual..
End of field trip update..

I'm really bored today.. so decided to do a questionaire to see if any of u can answer.. It's just some simple questions.. I'll post the answers on Mon.. Mean while, can tagged ur answers.. And on Mon, cum back ans see if u really know me tat well...

1) When is my b'dae?
2) What is my CCA? (alot of people shld know)
3) Where do I stay?
4) Which is my class? BM0325(BE), BM0326(BF), BM0327(BG) or BM0328 (BH)?
5) How many brothers do I have? Izzit one or two?
6) What is the issue abt me tat makes me veri veri upset?
7) Who is my best friend?
8) What is my horoscope?
9) Where is favourite place for lunch?
10) Who do I usually lunch wif???

End of qns..

End of blogging.. Well... Will blog the ans on Mon.. See ya.. Happy guessing..

20th March 2005, 23.37pm

Today is bascially a rotting day.. I stayed at home the whole day.. Not going anywhere simply b'cos I am bored of the world... I stayed at home to watch TV the whole day.. Till abt 8plus when my bro left for camp then i on the computer to do my Flash..

I finally at the 3rd scene.. Which I tink would be my 2nd last scene ba.. Still haven't do storyboarding.. Haiz.. Presentation on 24th Mar (thurs)... Sianz... One thing to congratulate myself is tat I'm presenting to Mr Fuan.. Yeah..

Yesterday I was oso rotting at home, cos no JMD ma.. Then stay at home lorz.. Dun feel like going out.. Basically, tat's abt it..

FRIDAY
Last performance for Put 'em up.. We are not going to perform le.. Just like Say e Word.. We went thru ups and down wif tat song.. Is a bit sad.. Perform it on the SEG Nite, staging the SEG idols.. Leon and Brendy got into Finals.. And guess wat? Leon got Champion and Brendy got 2nd-runner up.. 1st runner up was a malay guy.. He can sing well too.. they sang beautiful songs..

Despite the happiness, sumthing sad came up in my mind.. To you:"Y did u treat me wif cold shoulders? Whenever I ask u if there is sumting wrong, u sae no.. when i ask u if u wan to do tis or tat, ur ans is always no.. Am i being too busybody to the extend tat u hate me? Am i getting on ur nerves? If I am, tell me and I promise I'll stay away from u like I stayed away from Him... Tell me.. I really wan to know..."
I dun like to be treat as a fool.. I really dun.. Dun treat me like a fool.. It hurts..

Frenz dun cheat.. dun lie.. they are always ready to tell e truth..
I know i can trust u wif my secrets.. But y can't u trust me wif urs? Jus b'cos of wat has happened in e past? Then let me tell u again.. I'm not the kind of person who will bother abt people who dun like me in the past.. I dun see a need to fall back into the same hole for a 2nd time..
I dun wan to lost frenz the way i lost them in Secondary school... I cherish everyone of my frenz.. I dun wish to lose any...And u are one of my good frenz..so I dun wish to lose u..

Just like the song tat Brendy sang:

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me
Why is my reflection someone I don't know
Must I pretend that I'm someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside

Although I really dunno how u feel.. I really hope tat I can always be ur friend.. And like wat people always sae: Friends Forever..

I always believe tat there is such a thing call Friends Forever.. No matter for how long u never contact tat person, u will forever be in tat's person heart.. And tat part of the heart can never be replaced by any other person or happenings..B'cos u already left a footstep in tat person's heart.. And u left a footsteo in My heart

new changes in my life...

well.. changes always happens... but these are some of the major changes lahz.. And my opinion and comments on it lorz..

1stly.. My last stopover.. MRC...
It is not that bad after all... Seeing Ms tan... Cos i dun really see her lahz.. I hav been on field trips.. So dun really see her.. Then whenever I see her.. She is quite a joker lorz.. She like to ask funny andmeaningless qns sometimes.. But she is still quite nice lorz.. At least for now lahz... Had been busy since I entered MRC.. Doin the NTUC food fare project.. Busy wif the field trips and report.. Also.. MMD.. date due: 21th March..

2ndly, JMD..
Recently.. Or shld I sae last wednesday.. Danny stepped down as the president.. handing over to Steve, the new president... Shu Herng, the new V-President... Somehow... I would sae lahz.. Things are going to be different lorz.. Really different.. If u ask me.. Well, I would sae I prefer the old one lorz.. I meant teh really old one.. When Danny 1st took over.. before Cat B came in... Yah.. tat period was my favourite time.. Although frequent scoldings.. But tat was the best performance and practice time I ever had.. We really enjoyed... Things were different then...

From last time.. till now.. the presidents that I knew..
1st: Vivien aka Wawa
2nd: Ezzat aka Zat, Zato
3rd: Danny aka Dan
4th: Steve...

If i never remember wrongly.. tink steve is the 5th one.. there shld be another one b4 Wawa if I'm not wrong.. I shall not sae anything abt the situation then.. But when it was during Zat and Dan's time tat I joined JMD.. And I really enjoyed myself.. Now, we and them dun even hav a common topic...

3rdly.. Sakuran Club..
Major handover...
New President: Kianz
V-Presidents: Qiang Long, Sharon and Calvin
Others: Xing Yong.. I can't remember his post.. then got some is I dunno de.. oso can't remember their names.. But all AAA de.. no JMD (except division head lahz)...
End...

So many things.. people change.. things change.. For better or for worse depends on how u see it lorz...
Sometimes I see it in the negative way.. sometimes positive.. depends...

suddenly I feel like crying.. Crying not b'cos I'm sad.. but b'cos there are too many things happening at the same time... I read Zati's blog saying that she cut herself 42 times in 6 weeks.. Wat's happening.. She was really happy when she went out wif us.. But i have totally no idea wat is in her heart.. how much pain she is suffering her mum left..

All I could do is to be there for her when she need me.. I promise.. I will always be there for you.. I will never understand the pain when ur own mother have to leave you.. I will never understand e pain.. But i wish i could feel it too... So many things are happening.. So many of my frenz are telling me that they wan to die.. That includes myself... But i knew it is wrong....

God.. wat hav tis world tat u hav created become??? A world of nonsense?? God saved all of us... U were always there for me when i needed u the most... thanks..

My prayer for all...
God, you are always there for me when i need u.. even when i don't need u, even when i didn't bother abt you, u were there for me.. thanks.. u were the one that really shared my life.. Even though i didn't feel comfortable wif them, u made me comfortable in where ever I went... thanks.. Lord, I pray.. that u will save all of us in tis world..

Lord, I pray.. for Vanvan, for Xiu Xian, for Zu Xian, for Zati, for Huey Huey, for Evelyn, for charlotte, for karen.. for all my frenz out there... that u will keep them safe and ur peace will be wif them... that no matter what happen, ur miracles will happened.. U will always solve the problems for them that.. no matter wat happen, u will bless them like how u hav blessed me.. thanks....

AMEN...

today-last day in KM... Tml-1st day in MRC...

today will be my last day in KM.. dunno if shld feel happy or feel sad. sometimes, I felt tat i never belong here.. but today, there was a feeling of 不舍得。。 mayb i was here too long le ba.. until now, I still dun feel like leaving.. anyway, I dun really like MRC either... sometimes i feel tat life is really not within my control... there are lots of things, I feel like doing but it never happened... I was talkin to Gwen the other day.. She was saying that cell change le.. now, the older group.. as in 'O's and above..they are called "Salt and Pepper".. funny.. anyway, Gwen asked me to go back to Cell tis sat... I'm still tinking... really.. still tinking if ishld appear.. there is a sense of uncomfortable wif the people there.. mayb not gwen, david and sebastian.. but Jean Shen?? i dunno... We were never close if i were to state the fact.. not even if Gwen, david and sebast... sometimes, i really wonder... who was i really close wif?? Ivy?? mayb not too... not even Robin i tink... Sometimes... Human's memory are limited.. I might already be out of their mind... If there is tis day i ever go back to church, I believe, I'll be treated like I'm a newcomer.. Am I?? mayb i am.. I never undertand wat was the place that God stood in my heart.. until when I came into Poly.. hsiao Ling said that I sdhld be living for God and not other things.. Sometimes I wonder... Wat's the thing that motivate me in my life..

In my poly life, I would say that without God, I would hav never be who I am now... I use to just do wat I tink was right... b'cos to me.. my principle then was that I dun hav to care abt how others tink of me.. but now, I know.. God is always up there watching..... And my behaviour have to reflect how he had taught me thru his word... now my principle :No matter wat happen, as long as your trust is in God, turn outs will always be in a way that benefit you.. it might not be the outcome that u wish for..But it is for sure the best outcome that U could hav...

I thank God that for giving me so much things that I own.. everything was given by him.. without him, I wouldn't even have the chance to get into Poly with the result in my sec sch days to be one of the last 10 in my class.. Without, I wouldn't hav been who i am... I always thought that growing up was never diffcult.. but now.. I realise that it really is.. I've fallen lots of times.. It was God that pick me up... it was God that gave me the courage to stand up again and continue walking the walk of life b'cos I trust that nto matter wat happen, the outcome is always God's plan for me..

THANK GOD... I LUV HIM...

Mix feelings...

I was gald that he is back home safety. I was praying for him all the way when he was in KL... but now, the moment he is back, he started scolding me again and again.. Y??? i was really looking forward for his return.. but now, I wish that he is not there anymore... like just now, he said he cuming to fetch me.. then i ask him whether waiting for him in front or behind the bus stop. he said behind..then when he reached, he called again... (he was waiting at the entrance of the car park).. he scolded me saying," dun you know where is the car park entrance?" I was so angry.. then he came back, he continue scolding say wat if i dun wan to eat, ask my mum dun cook... then i wanted to reply him.. I never say i dun wan to eat okay.. can't i eat later..... but i never reply.. i just kept quiet.. he dun understand.. when he wasn't ard, things were really fine... Really.. now tat he is back, i dun wan to face him... I really dun wan to face him...

Indeed, i was happy that he is back... but now, the happiness is no longer there... y?? I really hav mix feelings for tis person tat i call "Dad"..... goood and bad... one side, i wish he is there.. pray for his safety cos he is my dad.. then, I wish tat he could hav stop all the scoldings..... Really....

my life....

veri long never update le.. was really busy wif my TEP projects at KM. Had to rush out my creative project which was due on Mon... then oso, rushed out the E-AES for my supervisor, Ms Wendy Sim... Well, I thought it was finished le.. then she called and ask us to change more things. haiz... then we finished it and hand to her yesterday, thought nothing more le then we will be veri veri free. But.. she called again today, saying that she wan everything to be done for CRMCC... haiz.. she give me the wrong zip disc somemore.. then cannot do.. then cannot find her too... Anyway, tis will be my last week at KM... Next week onwards, I'll be at MRC.. still e same.. not much changes.. Sianz....

I still rushing my summary reports for tis stopover.. haven't finish yet... but i dun feel like doing... so sianz... when will it FINISH???? I still hav the MMD project, E-AES for CRMCC and other stuff.... BUSY BUSY BUSY.... i might be going back to work again... no money le.. really dun wish to work.. but i tink i hav too if i wan to continue to spend money the way i'm doin it now... I keep spending.... haiz..

One thing... Kor is cuming back on the 5th... he will be joining us for JMD from the 9th.... so good.... I miss him... Some how... I dunno how to put it... life has been really busy... realy lousy and really bad... hope it gets better as the week goes...

See ya...